September 2, 2018
I need to stop complaining when I have it so good
Sure the shine from the sun is too harsh but who’s to say it’s not punishment for doing dumb nothing
Sure the shine from the sun is too harsh but who’s to say it’s not punishment for doing dumb nothing
August 8, 2018
Sing me a lullaby over the phone
August 4, 2018
Im not sure when but I know it’s inevitable
What isn’t inevitable?
Evitable?
I doubt anything much except for my faith in god
Haha ok so now what?
Do I beg forgiveness from people I’ve hurt? To be great, do I actually have to be a good person?
The thought never occurred to me; I don’t want to believe it, and the laughter of the eavesdroppers is irritating, but what can I do?
My face is burning bright red from the indignity; the planes fly overhead to remind me that nothing is mine;
it can all be taken away; it will be taken away.
Haha
How serious can i get before I turn to stone? How mad can I get before I devolve and bristle burgundy?
The sirens are back, I lasted a few days without them (what an accomplished man I am)
Why can’t I be what you want me to be?
What do you even want from me?
What isn’t inevitable?
Evitable?
I doubt anything much except for my faith in god
Haha ok so now what?
Do I beg forgiveness from people I’ve hurt? To be great, do I actually have to be a good person?
The thought never occurred to me; I don’t want to believe it, and the laughter of the eavesdroppers is irritating, but what can I do?
My face is burning bright red from the indignity; the planes fly overhead to remind me that nothing is mine;
it can all be taken away; it will be taken away.
Haha
How serious can i get before I turn to stone? How mad can I get before I devolve and bristle burgundy?
The sirens are back, I lasted a few days without them (what an accomplished man I am)
Why can’t I be what you want me to be?
What do you even want from me?
July 29, 2018
Skimming across the surface of the United States
Ignoring the history of the land
Feeling an occasional crash of guilt
Imagining buffalo and North American Aborigines
Imagining saber tooth tigers and giant sloths
Bad karma accruing scorning the descendants of the colonizers
Who're inbred, corpulent, and generally very nice to me
Dog sick, car battery dead, stuck in Des Moines, Iowa
Hopelessly celibate, desperate for attention from men
Mormon Temples in Utah, surprisingly headachingly disorienting
I'd never realized how deeply Christian I'd conceptualized America
Mitt Romney makes me think of Utah and the Presidency
Dick Cheney was the only thing I thought of when I drove through Wyoming
Except for Matthew Shephard, who I'd hoped would visit me in my dreams as I slept in Laramie, but I haven't dreamt since I spent the night in Nevada
Where my brother told me nobody takes the simulation hypothesis seriously
It makes me recalcitrant thinking about how transformative trips across this continent have been for others, when all I really think about when I drive through a state is whether or not they voted for Obama or Clinton in 2008, 2012, and 2016
Nevada scores high in my mind, silver mining wasteland and three consecutive Democratic victories; Iowa gets a solid hour of glory for voting for Obama in 2008 and 2012, and for its "Modern Rest Areas;" and Nebraska, with its rolling prairies hills, is forgiven for (mostly) going red in 2008, 2012, and 2016, because it seemed like every exit off the I-80 had a museum or some other decent cultural attraction
That's despite the fact there were tanks and humvees up and down the state
That's despite the fact the Eisenhower Interstate System eliminated the need for a cross-country marathoner from going into any part of any U.S. state more than two miles off the freeway, but still gives travelers the sense they can draw deep and profound conclusions about the region and the people who live there
Sure, most Americans fly nowadays, but it should be called drive-thru country too
Vast landscapes, snobby, insecure, white suburbs, cities with skyscrapers built in the American century, with hardly any from the 21st
A man working at a grocery store in Wyoming asked a Psychology graduate student, "What's the definition of insanity? Are we insane right now?"
She rubbed her nose in reply and left; he asked me the same question, and I said, "We're worse than that. We're a suicidal empire in decline." He rubbed his nose in reply, and I left.
The motels are getting nicer the further east I go; the climate is getting more muggy; the air conditioning and the bad art on the walls are staying the same.
Gas pumps are different; California is the only state I've seen with full handles, although it's not the only state that sells kombucha in its gas stations
Maybe the United States is smaller than it looks, not many people for such big land, mostly squeezed into pockets of metropolis and suburb, while the rest of the country belongs to a handful of men
Even in Laramie, Wyoming, the boy who checked me into my room was from a suburb of Chicago near where I'd spent the week before
Most of the license plates aren't from the state I'm driving in
Most of the boys I talk to on Grindr are assholes, across state lines
It's nice there are open borders throughout the country, but I wish that meant the coffee everywhere was as good as the coffee in Nevada
I've barely eaten since I started driving; I'm not hungry
I need to go to Wal-Mart, but I don't want to leave my dog by herself
Ignoring the history of the land
Feeling an occasional crash of guilt
Imagining buffalo and North American Aborigines
Imagining saber tooth tigers and giant sloths
Bad karma accruing scorning the descendants of the colonizers
Who're inbred, corpulent, and generally very nice to me
Dog sick, car battery dead, stuck in Des Moines, Iowa
Hopelessly celibate, desperate for attention from men
Mormon Temples in Utah, surprisingly headachingly disorienting
I'd never realized how deeply Christian I'd conceptualized America
Mitt Romney makes me think of Utah and the Presidency
Dick Cheney was the only thing I thought of when I drove through Wyoming
Except for Matthew Shephard, who I'd hoped would visit me in my dreams as I slept in Laramie, but I haven't dreamt since I spent the night in Nevada
Where my brother told me nobody takes the simulation hypothesis seriously
It makes me recalcitrant thinking about how transformative trips across this continent have been for others, when all I really think about when I drive through a state is whether or not they voted for Obama or Clinton in 2008, 2012, and 2016
Nevada scores high in my mind, silver mining wasteland and three consecutive Democratic victories; Iowa gets a solid hour of glory for voting for Obama in 2008 and 2012, and for its "Modern Rest Areas;" and Nebraska, with its rolling prairies hills, is forgiven for (mostly) going red in 2008, 2012, and 2016, because it seemed like every exit off the I-80 had a museum or some other decent cultural attraction
That's despite the fact there were tanks and humvees up and down the state
That's despite the fact the Eisenhower Interstate System eliminated the need for a cross-country marathoner from going into any part of any U.S. state more than two miles off the freeway, but still gives travelers the sense they can draw deep and profound conclusions about the region and the people who live there
Sure, most Americans fly nowadays, but it should be called drive-thru country too
Vast landscapes, snobby, insecure, white suburbs, cities with skyscrapers built in the American century, with hardly any from the 21st
A man working at a grocery store in Wyoming asked a Psychology graduate student, "What's the definition of insanity? Are we insane right now?"
She rubbed her nose in reply and left; he asked me the same question, and I said, "We're worse than that. We're a suicidal empire in decline." He rubbed his nose in reply, and I left.
The motels are getting nicer the further east I go; the climate is getting more muggy; the air conditioning and the bad art on the walls are staying the same.
Gas pumps are different; California is the only state I've seen with full handles, although it's not the only state that sells kombucha in its gas stations
Maybe the United States is smaller than it looks, not many people for such big land, mostly squeezed into pockets of metropolis and suburb, while the rest of the country belongs to a handful of men
Even in Laramie, Wyoming, the boy who checked me into my room was from a suburb of Chicago near where I'd spent the week before
Most of the license plates aren't from the state I'm driving in
Most of the boys I talk to on Grindr are assholes, across state lines
It's nice there are open borders throughout the country, but I wish that meant the coffee everywhere was as good as the coffee in Nevada
I've barely eaten since I started driving; I'm not hungry
I need to go to Wal-Mart, but I don't want to leave my dog by herself
July 8, 2018
Knowing death when you’re young is frightening
Because the more time passes, the more you realize how long life is
How long you have to live without your brother
How permanent death is
Because the more time passes, the more you realize how long life is
How long you have to live without your brother
How permanent death is
July 6, 2018
I don't think she realizes how demonic her eyes look in the pale burgundy light
I didn't pick this restaurant; I didn't know what this night would become
I'm not. Afraid for myself,
But when. The illness finishes ravaging her body
I pray God is merciful, otherwise I may not ever see her again
I didn't pick this restaurant; I didn't know what this night would become
I'm not. Afraid for myself,
But when. The illness finishes ravaging her body
I pray God is merciful, otherwise I may not ever see her again
July 4, 2018
As a boy,
My princess was a short Russian
Who looked like an alien
Who was just as ugly as me.
As an adolescent,
My prince was short white trash
Who couldn’t look people in the eye
Who was just as fucked-up as me.
My princess was a short Russian
Who looked like an alien
Who was just as ugly as me.
As an adolescent,
My prince was short white trash
Who couldn’t look people in the eye
Who was just as fucked-up as me.
July 4, 2018
I’m depressed in the way people are before they die;
Despite reassurances from nobody, I’ve convinced myself life is ok
The only motive I have left to trudge through to tomorrow is to prove everybody else wrong, but i know that’s ridiculous
My mind is rotted through - deteriorated over years, not only by decadence or grief or malaise - gnawed and cleaved by the devil.
Vulnerability gets worse with isolation - it's something pigs and sheep and women are taught, but forgotten when raising a man.
I’ve had books, and my dog, and my phone, and acquaintances, and have managed even after abandoning them,
but sooner rather than later I’ll need a man for myself
Yeah, almost any man would do.
Not any any man, but almost.
I’ve never been in love, and I’ve never torn into the body or life of another human being. Every time I’ve walked toward somebody, ive freaked out and they’ve run away from me as far as has been humanly possible and I’ve been left reminding myself, “I’m a bad person,” (otherwise why else would nobody (nobody) care when I break down and cry?)
Dont pity a monster.
Give it nothing but scorn, ridicule, and quarantine and teach your daughters to do the same.
kill your neighbors’ son.
I learned how im supposed to treat other men (the United States didn’t fail to teach me that), But on account of my eyes, I’ve decided to do the opposite of what I was taught (failure)! I flirt with him openly and compliment him coyly and smile at him constantly because god damn it, yes, I want him
My mother is not a bad person,
my father is not a bad person,
My brother is not a bad person,
my sister is not a bad person.
My mother was more powerful than my father. My brother is a pussy. My sister is a bitch. I’m a faggot.
Nothing comes more easily than the reluctance to acknowledge my sin.
My eyes were a danger to you; I know.
There was no other option; yes, I know. I know.
God never intended my experiment with life to last as long as it has, but my flailing was amusing, there was nothing more to it; we both swear.
You know firsthand a boy could keep anybody entertained if he has no shame.
My shame has nothing to do with what I do in public, in parking lots, or in movie theatres.
Sure, I used to shake from nervousness, but now I look people dead in the eye and laugh to their skulls through and through though
They refuse to understand me.
Strangers try laughing at me, but I run away from their strange ways.
I might be a bad person, but the really bad ones make themselves famous
I hate being watched and ignored when I speak.
What does America want?
A visual culture is grand intellectual theft. How could truth and fact die in the age of information?
A massive gag, joke, irony from the universe, how and why and will it be hard to get out of this country alive
Yeah.
I’m too absolutely American, which I wouldn’t mind if it meant I could sleep with an all-American
At least on the Fourth of July, but they’d rather fuck anybody else.
I can’t blame them, but it makes me feel like I don’t belong in the only place I do belong.
maybe I need to get out.
Despite reassurances from nobody, I’ve convinced myself life is ok
The only motive I have left to trudge through to tomorrow is to prove everybody else wrong, but i know that’s ridiculous
My mind is rotted through - deteriorated over years, not only by decadence or grief or malaise - gnawed and cleaved by the devil.
Vulnerability gets worse with isolation - it's something pigs and sheep and women are taught, but forgotten when raising a man.
I’ve had books, and my dog, and my phone, and acquaintances, and have managed even after abandoning them,
but sooner rather than later I’ll need a man for myself
Yeah, almost any man would do.
Not any any man, but almost.
I’ve never been in love, and I’ve never torn into the body or life of another human being. Every time I’ve walked toward somebody, ive freaked out and they’ve run away from me as far as has been humanly possible and I’ve been left reminding myself, “I’m a bad person,” (otherwise why else would nobody (nobody) care when I break down and cry?)
Dont pity a monster.
Give it nothing but scorn, ridicule, and quarantine and teach your daughters to do the same.
kill your neighbors’ son.
I learned how im supposed to treat other men (the United States didn’t fail to teach me that), But on account of my eyes, I’ve decided to do the opposite of what I was taught (failure)! I flirt with him openly and compliment him coyly and smile at him constantly because god damn it, yes, I want him
My mother is not a bad person,
my father is not a bad person,
My brother is not a bad person,
my sister is not a bad person.
My mother was more powerful than my father. My brother is a pussy. My sister is a bitch. I’m a faggot.
Nothing comes more easily than the reluctance to acknowledge my sin.
My eyes were a danger to you; I know.
There was no other option; yes, I know. I know.
God never intended my experiment with life to last as long as it has, but my flailing was amusing, there was nothing more to it; we both swear.
You know firsthand a boy could keep anybody entertained if he has no shame.
My shame has nothing to do with what I do in public, in parking lots, or in movie theatres.
Sure, I used to shake from nervousness, but now I look people dead in the eye and laugh to their skulls through and through though
They refuse to understand me.
Strangers try laughing at me, but I run away from their strange ways.
I might be a bad person, but the really bad ones make themselves famous
I hate being watched and ignored when I speak.
What does America want?
A visual culture is grand intellectual theft. How could truth and fact die in the age of information?
A massive gag, joke, irony from the universe, how and why and will it be hard to get out of this country alive
Yeah.
I’m too absolutely American, which I wouldn’t mind if it meant I could sleep with an all-American
At least on the Fourth of July, but they’d rather fuck anybody else.
I can’t blame them, but it makes me feel like I don’t belong in the only place I do belong.
maybe I need to get out.
June 20, 2018
Can I cry all day?
What will define this summer in Silicon Valley, U.S.A.?
Nothing ever changes, really, it just looks a little different each time around you💂🏽♂️
I don’t have hope, but, my compadre, maintain optimism and fortitude,
otherwise, there’s no reason to continue in a world that exists for no other reason than it does.
I might cry all night, but I must tell you, I’ll probably only give you this one chance
What will define this summer in Silicon Valley, U.S.A.?
Nothing ever changes, really, it just looks a little different each time around you💂🏽♂️
I don’t have hope, but, my compadre, maintain optimism and fortitude,
otherwise, there’s no reason to continue in a world that exists for no other reason than it does.
- Reason
- Point
- Purpose
I might cry all night, but I must tell you, I’ll probably only give you this one chance
June 7, 2018
A message can be distilled into concentrate truth, people still might not understand it
Don’t push it, you’ll look wild
Don’t push it, you’ll look wild
June 7, 2018
I don’t know what he wants or if he’s telling me something or if he’s avoiding me purposefully or if he’s playing a game or if he doesn’t realize how much everything he does kills me
This is the man I wish were my man; if yesterday tore my soul apart, today's drowned my heart
He’s cruel
He has no heart
He doesn’t care if I cry myself to sleep
He’s reminding me why I don’t write poems about my love life (they’re just another sad something to write about, but sorely evoking a sadness with the capacity to knife me like a murderous bitch with a vengeance)
This is the man I wish were my man; if yesterday tore my soul apart, today's drowned my heart
He’s cruel
He has no heart
He doesn’t care if I cry myself to sleep
He’s reminding me why I don’t write poems about my love life (they’re just another sad something to write about, but sorely evoking a sadness with the capacity to knife me like a murderous bitch with a vengeance)
June 6, 2018
Klowning around downtown in a font so big I could fit my whole family in it
June 6, 2018
What if reality (as perceived) were simply an extension of the self?
Simultaneity - the, the awareness is so much happening at once - is now the most salient aspect of contemporary life.
"To exist is to exist within a conception of time. But to remember is to vacate the very notion of time. Every memory, no matter how remote its subject, takes place 'now,' at the moment it’s called up in the mind. The more something is recalled, the more the brain has a chance to refine the original experience, because every memory is a re-creation, not a playback."
Simultaneity - the, the awareness is so much happening at once - is now the most salient aspect of contemporary life.
"To exist is to exist within a conception of time. But to remember is to vacate the very notion of time. Every memory, no matter how remote its subject, takes place 'now,' at the moment it’s called up in the mind. The more something is recalled, the more the brain has a chance to refine the original experience, because every memory is a re-creation, not a playback."
June 5, 2018
I prayed for god to slip me two tablets of Xanax to help me sleep
He balked at the idea when he saw how sinful the thoughts keeping me awake were and laughed
He balked at the idea when he saw how sinful the thoughts keeping me awake were and laughed
June 3, 2018
From then on, they died, one by one
June 1, 2018
At some point, I will end up dead, alone, again, toward nothing, with children’s horrid giggles puncturing the sanctity of a god-granted silence; I pray every 11:11 for a heaven - a box full of books and time with a door to pass through when I’m aggrieved or lonely or hungry
There is no calm without consciousness; anywhere without it is chaotic, raging, burning hell
There is no calm without consciousness; anywhere without it is chaotic, raging, burning hell
May 24, 2018
Is being followed really better than leading?
May 24, 2018
Night is when you sleep, and your thoughts trickle off into my night... is when you sleep, and your thoughts trickle off into my night
May 24, 2018
Blurred down world like someone forgot to auto-sharpen
May 24, 2018
Systematic reproduction program with Christian fundamentalist branding. A brand selling eternal salvation.
May 23, 2018
My eyes are worn from crying
My throat is tired from coughing
My fingers are curled, gnarled
My knees, aching and sore
My belly wishes I had a lover next to me in bed to kiss it gently, look up into my eyes, and tell me truthfully that he loves me
Instead, I’m in bed alone; my dog is on the floor.
My brain, perhaps summating the irritations the rest of my body has accumulated during the day is restless and overtly agitated by the inanity and buffoonery so prevalent amongst what the Great Ape species of Homo sapiens has entitled (unbelievably and amusingly) unironically “human beings.”
I think about the colonist I’ve been thinking about all day; I can’t stop thinking that it paid for its “education” because its father branded his logo on my hide, that its mother drilled her slogan into my head; that it’s called me violent for leaning in for a kiss from a straight boy and his girlfriend who both rejected me outright, even though he’d solicited oral sex from me, privately but publicly (there were no women there), in the bathroom not ten minutes before that; that it calls openly and unabashedly for the murder and mutilation of innocent children (male), that white feminists laud, applaud, herald the colonist for its radical, progressive politics, that I can’t help but regurgitate my lunch and dinner thinking about it.
My throat is tired from coughing
My fingers are curled, gnarled
My knees, aching and sore
My belly wishes I had a lover next to me in bed to kiss it gently, look up into my eyes, and tell me truthfully that he loves me
Instead, I’m in bed alone; my dog is on the floor.
My brain, perhaps summating the irritations the rest of my body has accumulated during the day is restless and overtly agitated by the inanity and buffoonery so prevalent amongst what the Great Ape species of Homo sapiens has entitled (unbelievably and amusingly) unironically “human beings.”
I think about the colonist I’ve been thinking about all day; I can’t stop thinking that it paid for its “education” because its father branded his logo on my hide, that its mother drilled her slogan into my head; that it’s called me violent for leaning in for a kiss from a straight boy and his girlfriend who both rejected me outright, even though he’d solicited oral sex from me, privately but publicly (there were no women there), in the bathroom not ten minutes before that; that it calls openly and unabashedly for the murder and mutilation of innocent children (male), that white feminists laud, applaud, herald the colonist for its radical, progressive politics, that I can’t help but regurgitate my lunch and dinner thinking about it.
May 20, 2018
The queen is dead, boys.
February 20, 2018
Do you remember Henri Ghéon?
If he’d copulated with André Gide instead of stumbled back into the arms of Jesus, what would that’d have said about the Homosexual Agenda - would it’ve confirmed good intentions don’t make good literature
or that abrahamic religions are antithetical to homo amour terrestre even if preordained by the céleste?
More importantly, if I directed a performance art piece in the Théâtre du Vieux-Colombier on January 24, 1921 wherein Mr. Ghéon and Mr. Gide kissed passionately on the lips, staged with only a single audience member - Mr. Copeau - would I get spanked?
If he’d copulated with André Gide instead of stumbled back into the arms of Jesus, what would that’d have said about the Homosexual Agenda - would it’ve confirmed good intentions don’t make good literature
or that abrahamic religions are antithetical to homo amour terrestre even if preordained by the céleste?
More importantly, if I directed a performance art piece in the Théâtre du Vieux-Colombier on January 24, 1921 wherein Mr. Ghéon and Mr. Gide kissed passionately on the lips, staged with only a single audience member - Mr. Copeau - would I get spanked?
February 18, 2018
I’m staring into the abyss of grey mud constituting my future; I’d prefer not to grapple for oxygen for no reason other than life offers no alternative but decadence, if only I weren’t selfish and could reject hedonism since it so clearly fails me
February 10, 2018
Ugly as a scarecrow
January 20, 2018
Why do I smile at people I’d much rather kick in the eye?
January 15, 2018
How do you find meaning in life when your worst fears were realized before your 23 birthday?
What if I have nothing left to lose
What if I have nothing left to lose
January 10, 2018
God has left me to fend for myself
He came to me in 2015 and I couldn't understand what he was saying or maybe I just didn't listen
I wish I had listened
Now the devil is trying to tempt me into sin at every turn and I reject it and reject him
I wonder if most people know they're working for the devil
I wonder if some people know they're possessed by demons
I suppose we all need to fight our demons but that's not really what I'm talking about
There's a war going on, a vicious and bloody battle and I've mostly been kept in the dark but slowly it's being shown to me
And I understand just how pervasive evil is
And I understand the limits to which goodness offers protection
But malignancy shouldn't prevail, right?
We're entering an age where the existence of truth can be discussed
Reality will be subjective
Reality now is not yet there
Consequences exist and death and pain are real and I can't find a reason to pursue a mundane middle class life
I want to drive a Bentley
And be a god in a simulation
I wonder why men don't find me attractive?
Why can't I even attract a prostitute?
I'm tired
I'm tired
I just want to be healthy loved rich famous and allowed to work in peace
He came to me in 2015 and I couldn't understand what he was saying or maybe I just didn't listen
I wish I had listened
Now the devil is trying to tempt me into sin at every turn and I reject it and reject him
I wonder if most people know they're working for the devil
I wonder if some people know they're possessed by demons
I suppose we all need to fight our demons but that's not really what I'm talking about
There's a war going on, a vicious and bloody battle and I've mostly been kept in the dark but slowly it's being shown to me
And I understand just how pervasive evil is
And I understand the limits to which goodness offers protection
But malignancy shouldn't prevail, right?
We're entering an age where the existence of truth can be discussed
Reality will be subjective
Reality now is not yet there
Consequences exist and death and pain are real and I can't find a reason to pursue a mundane middle class life
I want to drive a Bentley
And be a god in a simulation
I wonder why men don't find me attractive?
Why can't I even attract a prostitute?
I'm tired
I'm tired
I just want to be healthy loved rich famous and allowed to work in peace
January 10, 2018
If I had turned left
[He'd still be alive.]
[He'd still be alive.]
January 4, 2018
When your wings have been clipped and your cherub face is bloated with American sin
January 1, 2018
Do you want to know what life is?
Life is signing the documents for your brother to be cremated
Life is
Life is signing the documents for your brother to be cremated
Life is
December 30, 2018
Andrew where are you!
Andrew I miss you
Andrew I’m sitting here wondering about all the amazing things you’ve seen in your week off this rock but am tearing my hair out crying that you’ve left me alone I miss you I miss you I miss you why the fuck did you have to leave me fuck fuck fuck
Andrew I needed you
Andrew I need you
Andrew I’m dying without you
Andrew I took you for granted
Andrew I assumed you’d always be here even though I should have known how little time we had left
Andrew I want to cry but my brain is numb from the cAllousness burnt onto my skin from seeing how shitty the world treated you
Andrew you didn’t deserve to be left alone
Andrew hey
Andrew I’m sorry we left you alone
Andrew why did we leave you alone
Andrew I miss you
Andrew I’m sitting here wondering about all the amazing things you’ve seen in your week off this rock but am tearing my hair out crying that you’ve left me alone I miss you I miss you I miss you why the fuck did you have to leave me fuck fuck fuck
Andrew I needed you
Andrew I need you
Andrew I’m dying without you
Andrew I took you for granted
Andrew I assumed you’d always be here even though I should have known how little time we had left
Andrew I want to cry but my brain is numb from the cAllousness burnt onto my skin from seeing how shitty the world treated you
Andrew you didn’t deserve to be left alone
Andrew hey
Andrew I’m sorry we left you alone
Andrew why did we leave you alone
December 27, 2018
I’m in a state of inertia, looking back thrashes my soul, looking forward shreds my heart
infantile, like every experience is the first one I’ve had, but I see my curse, condemned to make the same mistakes I’ve made before
infantile, like every experience is the first one I’ve had, but I see my curse, condemned to make the same mistakes I’ve made before
December 11, 2018
my life is playing itself out and My mind and consciousness are mechanistic components in the manufacturing of the life I’m building for myself.
I feel passive, following a mute but ubiquitous narration outlining vague but oddly specific instructions for each step I need to take, even as the uncertainty of each decision, while undoubtedly pre-ordained, feels as uncertain as the jump into oblivion the dying must feel
I fear my imminent rejection from the gates of heaven even while weeping for the intimacy and comfort this purgatory offers,
lost by my unrelenting dissatisfaction with the imperfection of others.
I’ve been interpolated by America’s screed, inundated with the banal comforts of San Francisco(pacifica) then Santa Barbara (Isla Vista) then Los Angeles (Westwood) then Menlo Park, California, brown teeth and white skin, flat stomach and black hair, incongruous and punchable.
Uncomfortable! And wishing lesbians wouldn’t bring their five year old children to run around in coffee shops;
And wishing cars would wait until I’m fully in the sidewalk before they begin their right turn; I swear to g-d one of these asshole crackerettes will run me over one day! If I survive I suppose I’ll have to hire an attorney, and if i die I’m sure she’ll get off by pleading self defense but it’s ok because it’s like how the New York Times says Roy Moore winning in Alabama will be bad for the Republican Party in the long run, murdering me by splaying my lithe body across the street with her BMW will be bad for her soul in the long run and she will rot in hell for all eternity!
I do wonder if I’ll have pity for the suffering of my murderer, and I suppose I will; I mean, it 'll be sad watching the flames of hell melt that psychopath’s flesh like rubber and bad noticing how demonic the scaly eyes and sprouted claws and horns will look on her limbs and face, but that’s what you get for murder i suppose! I’m sure I’ll get an invitation to her wedding to Scott Peterson after she breaks up with George Zimmerman,
But I’ll obviously have a prior engagement.
Even then, i must add that reading this back leaves a harsh bitter taste in my mouth, as I remember the lovely poems a friend once read to me in Denver, poems written about me. I’m dead alone again with a fever and caffeine, and metaphors and analogies seem worthless after I’ve written them when I realize how violent they are! Bad people might read violent poems and misconstrue irony for hatred! I’ll undoubtedly have to respond to these accusations and interpretations at some poorly attended panel discussion at a third rate state school with explanations of my thought processes and defenses of my integrity as a nice progressive mixed queer native blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!!
Bad taste in my mouth again!
Well as ms Sontag once said. it’s my duty to be in as much contact with reality as I can be
Therefore,?I think 7 is the new 33 and we’ll see what happens when god comes back to this cruel world; I hope I’m here when man falls! I can’t wait to see the looks on these crazy crackerettes’ and crackerjacks’ faces when their icons of sin are torn down and thrown into the sea! I’m not a postmodernist, I’m just a faggot with a funny ankle tendon ready to read dystopian prose and watch coming of age films about straight males who eventually and inevitably experiment sexually with their male best friend! Preferably while listening to Tchaikovsky but if not, pretty much any other music would do as long as I can pick it out
I’m not picky I just prefer mellifluous orchestral tones to the blah blah beats of low-Iq mikas on the mike!
I feel passive, following a mute but ubiquitous narration outlining vague but oddly specific instructions for each step I need to take, even as the uncertainty of each decision, while undoubtedly pre-ordained, feels as uncertain as the jump into oblivion the dying must feel
I fear my imminent rejection from the gates of heaven even while weeping for the intimacy and comfort this purgatory offers,
lost by my unrelenting dissatisfaction with the imperfection of others.
I’ve been interpolated by America’s screed, inundated with the banal comforts of San Francisco(pacifica) then Santa Barbara (Isla Vista) then Los Angeles (Westwood) then Menlo Park, California, brown teeth and white skin, flat stomach and black hair, incongruous and punchable.
Uncomfortable! And wishing lesbians wouldn’t bring their five year old children to run around in coffee shops;
And wishing cars would wait until I’m fully in the sidewalk before they begin their right turn; I swear to g-d one of these asshole crackerettes will run me over one day! If I survive I suppose I’ll have to hire an attorney, and if i die I’m sure she’ll get off by pleading self defense but it’s ok because it’s like how the New York Times says Roy Moore winning in Alabama will be bad for the Republican Party in the long run, murdering me by splaying my lithe body across the street with her BMW will be bad for her soul in the long run and she will rot in hell for all eternity!
I do wonder if I’ll have pity for the suffering of my murderer, and I suppose I will; I mean, it 'll be sad watching the flames of hell melt that psychopath’s flesh like rubber and bad noticing how demonic the scaly eyes and sprouted claws and horns will look on her limbs and face, but that’s what you get for murder i suppose! I’m sure I’ll get an invitation to her wedding to Scott Peterson after she breaks up with George Zimmerman,
But I’ll obviously have a prior engagement.
Even then, i must add that reading this back leaves a harsh bitter taste in my mouth, as I remember the lovely poems a friend once read to me in Denver, poems written about me. I’m dead alone again with a fever and caffeine, and metaphors and analogies seem worthless after I’ve written them when I realize how violent they are! Bad people might read violent poems and misconstrue irony for hatred! I’ll undoubtedly have to respond to these accusations and interpretations at some poorly attended panel discussion at a third rate state school with explanations of my thought processes and defenses of my integrity as a nice progressive mixed queer native blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!!
Bad taste in my mouth again!
Well as ms Sontag once said. it’s my duty to be in as much contact with reality as I can be
Therefore,?I think 7 is the new 33 and we’ll see what happens when god comes back to this cruel world; I hope I’m here when man falls! I can’t wait to see the looks on these crazy crackerettes’ and crackerjacks’ faces when their icons of sin are torn down and thrown into the sea! I’m not a postmodernist, I’m just a faggot with a funny ankle tendon ready to read dystopian prose and watch coming of age films about straight males who eventually and inevitably experiment sexually with their male best friend! Preferably while listening to Tchaikovsky but if not, pretty much any other music would do as long as I can pick it out
I’m not picky I just prefer mellifluous orchestral tones to the blah blah beats of low-Iq mikas on the mike!
December 11, 2017
rolling my eyes as the combative meth addict is told, “You had a smile that could light up a room.”
The authors of the letters often cry, perhaps because what they’ve written is so poorly constructed.
The authors of the letters often cry, perhaps because what they’ve written is so poorly constructed.
December 11, 2017
Perfection might not exist in the face of another man
I see it every two hundreds years or so in a painting or photograph but if I see one alive today I know he would see my cockroach face and vomit
I see it every two hundreds years or so in a painting or photograph but if I see one alive today I know he would see my cockroach face and vomit
November 5, 2017
a smoky lounge on an navy base is full of men drinking coffee
a woman, the same woman, comes into the room to fill their cups.
a woman, the same woman, comes into the room to fill their cups.
October 10, 2017
Once upon a time I fell down a hole screaming for my life but my voice wasn't loud enough for god to hear so I withered away for forty years and forty minutes and by the time I crawled out with my bare teeth and hard knuckles the world was already dead after a nuclear explosion and I went looking for my family but in the place of my home I found mutant rats who tried eating me for lunch and I cut off the toe of one of these rats and that one single toe was the size of the Statue of Liberty so I sat down and feasted for the rest of the year because after nibbling on cockroaches and earthworms for the past forty years I had decided I was no longer a pescatarian
October 10, 2017
Does one's positive memory of you matter if you die alone in a ditch?
October 8, 2017
Feel too much
Feel nothing at all
Feel nothing at all
October 8, 2017
Infinite step backwards
Zero steps forward
I've been cut off
If you dance with god and he tells you're a rat, does their opinion of you become the opinion of the world, including yourself?
Yes, I'm a rat.
The worst part about it is that my fall isn't even original, it's been told a thousand times already.
Today I saw beauty and grace and the enormity and majesty of all that life had to offer
But I ran too far too fast
I didn't look back and hold tight to my brother so he could see what I saw
I was being selfish and
I wonder if I'll wish from this day forward that I'd died today?
of decisions I made today
I feel mentally blocked
Physically rotting
Will anything feel spiritual again?
Have I been exiled from living and breathing from the well of good
Am no longer capable of sentient thought
I'm condemned
How do regain honor
Respect
Dignity
Consciousness
Again, nobody wants to be told their life has no meaning
Doesn't everyone want to die with dignity
What was my dying man's request
To see my
If I had any dreams of heaven
They were shattered by my own decisions
I had a gateway into heaven and I gave it up for two tabs of acid
Money
Rats
Barriers
Gatekeepers
I thought hope was lost and maybe it is but...
can we all agree it's not?
I fell down.
A fell like a dirty stick
Tricks are for kids
My father has no business redeeming the inadequacies of his son
My cousins have every right to hate me for who I am
My brothers have no reason to love me
My mother can't see much in her son tonight
Sara probably still thinks I stole her water bottle
Raven has every right and reason to hate me for abandoning her
Some aspects of today were a nightmare that I never hope to relive
Some of today was the most intense life I've ever experienced
It was a sensory input overload
Casualty: 1
My soul
You want to laugh at your shortcomings but your failings are too medium sized to really care one way or another
Fruits of today:
My toe is blistered
I lost my soul
Why did my temper tantrum end with near existential oblivion
What can I still see
Feel too much
Feel nothing at all
Only pain right now is the blister on my feet
I'd survived up-therefore through sheer determination
I'm alive today because of a coward's fear of death
If I'd died and passed through hell
Would I have woken up on the other side?
Forever
Forever ever
Forever average, or at least slightly above it
Zero steps forward
I've been cut off
If you dance with god and he tells you're a rat, does their opinion of you become the opinion of the world, including yourself?
Yes, I'm a rat.
The worst part about it is that my fall isn't even original, it's been told a thousand times already.
Today I saw beauty and grace and the enormity and majesty of all that life had to offer
But I ran too far too fast
I didn't look back and hold tight to my brother so he could see what I saw
I was being selfish and
I wonder if I'll wish from this day forward that I'd died today?
of decisions I made today
I feel mentally blocked
Physically rotting
Will anything feel spiritual again?
Have I been exiled from living and breathing from the well of good
Am no longer capable of sentient thought
I'm condemned
How do regain honor
Respect
Dignity
Consciousness
Again, nobody wants to be told their life has no meaning
Doesn't everyone want to die with dignity
What was my dying man's request
To see my
If I had any dreams of heaven
They were shattered by my own decisions
I had a gateway into heaven and I gave it up for two tabs of acid
Money
Rats
Barriers
Gatekeepers
I thought hope was lost and maybe it is but...
can we all agree it's not?
I fell down.
A fell like a dirty stick
Tricks are for kids
My father has no business redeeming the inadequacies of his son
My cousins have every right to hate me for who I am
My brothers have no reason to love me
My mother can't see much in her son tonight
Sara probably still thinks I stole her water bottle
Raven has every right and reason to hate me for abandoning her
Some aspects of today were a nightmare that I never hope to relive
Some of today was the most intense life I've ever experienced
It was a sensory input overload
Casualty: 1
My soul
You want to laugh at your shortcomings but your failings are too medium sized to really care one way or another
Fruits of today:
My toe is blistered
I lost my soul
Why did my temper tantrum end with near existential oblivion
What can I still see
Feel too much
Feel nothing at all
Only pain right now is the blister on my feet
I'd survived up-therefore through sheer determination
I'm alive today because of a coward's fear of death
If I'd died and passed through hell
Would I have woken up on the other side?
Forever
Forever ever
Forever average, or at least slightly above it
October 7, 2017
I am a. Broken and sunken ship calling a ship being rebuilt a sinking ship
It's cruelty
It's cruelty
October 7, 2017
My father didn't realize a woman was flirting with him
Honest hostess helps her out
Dad goes and doesn't understand
Home girl chases him out with the threat of paying for more pupusas
He comes back to the table
Visibly shaken
let's go!
Honest hostess helps her out
Dad goes and doesn't understand
Home girl chases him out with the threat of paying for more pupusas
He comes back to the table
Visibly shaken
let's go!
October 1, 2017
Death doesn't discriminate between sinners and saints
September 30, 2017
All the brave guys are in the cemetery
Wallet and keys in pocket before bed
Do everything for other people like you were doing it for yourself
Dime in the bucket, mother fuck it
Wallet and keys in pocket before bed
Do everything for other people like you were doing it for yourself
Dime in the bucket, mother fuck it
September 30, 2017
Yes, I'm a piece of shit but I don't need to be reminded of that so frequently, thank you very much
September 30, 2017
The BOred are RIcH with me
The poor don't know who I am
The poor don't know who I am
September 30, 2017
I'm in awe that I've made it as far as I have: a life that should have been so easy has been exactly what was offered and sold: life: difficult, as in full of ups and downs
Love will never come to me when I look for it in the gutter, but I don't need love today: I want a person I find attractive but there is nobody I find beautiful who can tolerate me when I'm not at 100%, I can't imagine what any of them would think of me if I were at zero
Los Angeles turned its back on me after commencement, and I can't help but wonder why; it might have to do with the vanity of a city intent on masturbating to pictures of itself, but isn't that so American?Does a city make a people or do its people make that city, and what about when it's residents were born and raised in Minnesota and Iowa? When they move here will I start getting more popular for working for the government and listening to country music?
Jehovah knows everything I've seen has made me an anxious person but I wonder when people started repulsing me, I suppose it was gradual like the melting of cheese on Texas toast
Confusing as it may seem, I've started believing that it'd have been easier for me to have gotten laid if I'd joined a fraternity and I wonder if the sleazy sex will come later in life or if I will actually fall in love, or I guess, if a person I fall in love with will ever like me back. At this point, I'd settle for willing to try
Love will never come to me when I look for it in the gutter, but I don't need love today: I want a person I find attractive but there is nobody I find beautiful who can tolerate me when I'm not at 100%, I can't imagine what any of them would think of me if I were at zero
Los Angeles turned its back on me after commencement, and I can't help but wonder why; it might have to do with the vanity of a city intent on masturbating to pictures of itself, but isn't that so American?Does a city make a people or do its people make that city, and what about when it's residents were born and raised in Minnesota and Iowa? When they move here will I start getting more popular for working for the government and listening to country music?
Jehovah knows everything I've seen has made me an anxious person but I wonder when people started repulsing me, I suppose it was gradual like the melting of cheese on Texas toast
Confusing as it may seem, I've started believing that it'd have been easier for me to have gotten laid if I'd joined a fraternity and I wonder if the sleazy sex will come later in life or if I will actually fall in love, or I guess, if a person I fall in love with will ever like me back. At this point, I'd settle for willing to try
September 30, 2017
My stomach hurts so badly I wonder if I've been poisoned
There's an elephant in the room and it's the fact that I didn't sleep with a single one of my coworkers
A butch troglodyte is careening off the edge of a cliff but is too stupid to even realize how far the fall is
I hope it gets pushed
Sometimes I wonder why I exist, I mean I used to ponder ponds in my sleep, maybe I love to live to dream to vomit over my feet into the pacific on an autumn night after a night of heavy drinking
Maybe I've irritated my stomach lining with coffee and alcohol; I want to sleep and am so tired and lord knows how little I want to be here but demons are crawling into the light like the first mammals on land, though I've heard demons used to wander freely through the day; I pray their millennia in the dark has obscured their vision but there's no way of knowing
I mean, my own vision has been obscured. am I demon? or am I just lonely as John Coltrane?
Fatherhood seems like a quaint notion, will I be able to raise tyrants to rule the world?
I wonder what happened at 5:37 PM on September 29, 2017?
What were you doing?
Do you believe there's anybody in America worth saving? What would the world do if America fell, or if Americans suffered? I wonder how many would be happy.
As I've gotten older I've realized I believe less in the underdog; I think I want to win too much to take any chances
That puts me at odds with the majority of both benevolent human beings and Las Vegas gamblers but quite closely in line with misguided financial analysts, America, the decvil, and evil
There's an elephant in the room and it's the fact that I didn't sleep with a single one of my coworkers
A butch troglodyte is careening off the edge of a cliff but is too stupid to even realize how far the fall is
I hope it gets pushed
Sometimes I wonder why I exist, I mean I used to ponder ponds in my sleep, maybe I love to live to dream to vomit over my feet into the pacific on an autumn night after a night of heavy drinking
Maybe I've irritated my stomach lining with coffee and alcohol; I want to sleep and am so tired and lord knows how little I want to be here but demons are crawling into the light like the first mammals on land, though I've heard demons used to wander freely through the day; I pray their millennia in the dark has obscured their vision but there's no way of knowing
I mean, my own vision has been obscured. am I demon? or am I just lonely as John Coltrane?
Fatherhood seems like a quaint notion, will I be able to raise tyrants to rule the world?
I wonder what happened at 5:37 PM on September 29, 2017?
What were you doing?
Do you believe there's anybody in America worth saving? What would the world do if America fell, or if Americans suffered? I wonder how many would be happy.
As I've gotten older I've realized I believe less in the underdog; I think I want to win too much to take any chances
That puts me at odds with the majority of both benevolent human beings and Las Vegas gamblers but quite closely in line with misguided financial analysts, America, the decvil, and evil
September 30, 2017
God looked at me and wondered if I could have really been made in his image
Everything I've ever believed about people is not true
The most beautiful man I've ever known today brought his friend to get a blowjob from me at work
And I look so much like a shaved rodent without facial hair that his friend took one look at me and walked away
Beauty delayed, lingering, bent over, saw me licking my lips and kicked the floor in disgust
What should I have done?
Honestly I'm glad I don't take things so personally otherwise I'd go completely mad
And even if that lack of control has a certain appeal I'm ready to find a place to rest, easy
Spit in the face of all the North American faggots and laugh when I set every single one of them on fire after I push the tectonic plates under Los Angeles into each other
Earth quakes are violent but not quite as violent as my imagination
Thank god I'm free, thank god im a pacifist,
thank god i haven't gone crazy
Everything I've ever believed about people is not true
The most beautiful man I've ever known today brought his friend to get a blowjob from me at work
And I look so much like a shaved rodent without facial hair that his friend took one look at me and walked away
Beauty delayed, lingering, bent over, saw me licking my lips and kicked the floor in disgust
What should I have done?
Honestly I'm glad I don't take things so personally otherwise I'd go completely mad
And even if that lack of control has a certain appeal I'm ready to find a place to rest, easy
Spit in the face of all the North American faggots and laugh when I set every single one of them on fire after I push the tectonic plates under Los Angeles into each other
Earth quakes are violent but not quite as violent as my imagination
Thank god I'm free, thank god im a pacifist,
thank god i haven't gone crazy
September 29, 2017
If you let it
Or if you're too young to know better
Religion will get in your head
And fuck you hard
Or if you're too young to know better
Religion will get in your head
And fuck you hard
September 29, 2017
In Los Angeles, a breeze feels spiritual
September 29, 2017
A man laughs and every person, in every apartment, knows he's laughing at them
September 28, 2017
I wonder why god lets his children be raped
Why is there nothing to do to fight against cruelty?
Except for one case time and time again
Why is there nothing to do to fight against cruelty?
Except for one case time and time again
September 28, 2017
Kill me for telling the truth
Please
We need vapidity influencing the youth and the culture
Empty minded nothingness that looks and sounds go sood
Ideal for America's refined taste
Please
We need vapidity influencing the youth and the culture
Empty minded nothingness that looks and sounds go sood
Ideal for America's refined taste
September 28, 2017
Is green the future or will red conquer and kill its cousins
Night is coming and I can still see the leaves but the blood is blending in with the concrete
Maybe if a man comes pushes me to the floor I'll be able to smell it when it gets on my white shirt and I'll be able to tell that not everything is quite right
Laughter didn't get me anywhere except a blue room in an asylum basement
I met an angel once and he was kind enough to explain to me that the house I was taking pictures of was painted in a color evocative of the basement room I was currently occupying in the asylum
After annoying him by talking too much without knowing what I was saying, he turned a corner and I blinked and he was gone
Night is coming and I can still see the leaves but the blood is blending in with the concrete
Maybe if a man comes pushes me to the floor I'll be able to smell it when it gets on my white shirt and I'll be able to tell that not everything is quite right
Laughter didn't get me anywhere except a blue room in an asylum basement
I met an angel once and he was kind enough to explain to me that the house I was taking pictures of was painted in a color evocative of the basement room I was currently occupying in the asylum
After annoying him by talking too much without knowing what I was saying, he turned a corner and I blinked and he was gone
September 28, 2017
Dime in the bucket, motherfuck it.
September 27, 2017
Joyce was all smiles
She just has bad posture
She just has bad posture
September 27, 2017
Yesterday
I wore shorts and boots
I wore shorts and boots
September 27, 2017
I don't actually like seeing death in the air
I barely listen; I rarely smell; I always see
I barely listen; I rarely smell; I always see
September 27, 2017
Haven't been on laptop all day
Why did I agree to go out?
I wanted to find a guy.
Tomorrow I will get work done.
Why did I agree to go out?
I wanted to find a guy.
Tomorrow I will get work done.
September 27, 2017
I had to read a gossip magazine immediately before National Geographic for me to realize it's candy coated science
September 27, 2017
I have a shockingly strong instinct for survival
It extends my consciousness
Fights to overcome it
And sometimes wins
It extends my consciousness
Fights to overcome it
And sometimes wins
September 27, 2017
Oh, my good Lord.
I am not a monster.
I am a man.
I have seen dark.
I have preferred light.
Entombing myself entirely within cascades of ultraviolet radiation was toilsome.
But not foreverZ.
WHEN WOLL WAS THE MAN WHO HAD BEEN LIVED UP TO Two THE FOR A MAN LONG THE WORLD MAN TODAY WAS A MAN WHO HAD LIVED UP TO THE EARTH FOR THE FUTURE FIRST WORLD AND THE HE IS THE NOT GOD THE EARTH GOD 🌏 GOD HAS TOLD GOD ME US FROM OUR OWN SOUL GOD EYES AND THE TRUTH IS AND GOD IS THE TRUTH ONLY THE GOD IS OF GOD GOD AND THE WORLD IS THE EARTH TRUTH Y I AM A GOOD MAN 😊 MAN WHO TODAY IS MY THE WORLD OF GOD GOD AND GOD I AM CAN YOU SAY PLEASE DON'T GOD BLESS ME YOU WILL DON'T BELIEVE HAVE GOD GOD IS TOLD HAS NEVER WANTED BEEN HAPPENED TO ME THAT HE IS A GOD GOD AND I CAN HOPE AM A MAN TGOD GOD AND GOD WILL GOD I HOPE 🤞🏼 GOD HAS IS A THE GOOD EGOD THAT GOD IS GOD TOLD ME THAT GOD HAS YGOD AND GOD HE IS SAID GOD IS AND THE EARTH WGIS GOD IS GOD WHEREVER ENT WAS IS BATTHE NEAND AND HEBWEN OENERBE BEA WBEIENEUDB
I am not a monster.
I am a man.
I have seen dark.
I have preferred light.
Entombing myself entirely within cascades of ultraviolet radiation was toilsome.
But not foreverZ.
WHEN WOLL WAS THE MAN WHO HAD BEEN LIVED UP TO Two THE FOR A MAN LONG THE WORLD MAN TODAY WAS A MAN WHO HAD LIVED UP TO THE EARTH FOR THE FUTURE FIRST WORLD AND THE HE IS THE NOT GOD THE EARTH GOD 🌏 GOD HAS TOLD GOD ME US FROM OUR OWN SOUL GOD EYES AND THE TRUTH IS AND GOD IS THE TRUTH ONLY THE GOD IS OF GOD GOD AND THE WORLD IS THE EARTH TRUTH Y I AM A GOOD MAN 😊 MAN WHO TODAY IS MY THE WORLD OF GOD GOD AND GOD I AM CAN YOU SAY PLEASE DON'T GOD BLESS ME YOU WILL DON'T BELIEVE HAVE GOD GOD IS TOLD HAS NEVER WANTED BEEN HAPPENED TO ME THAT HE IS A GOD GOD AND I CAN HOPE AM A MAN TGOD GOD AND GOD WILL GOD I HOPE 🤞🏼 GOD HAS IS A THE GOOD EGOD THAT GOD IS GOD TOLD ME THAT GOD HAS YGOD AND GOD HE IS SAID GOD IS AND THE EARTH WGIS GOD IS GOD WHEREVER ENT WAS IS BATTHE NEAND AND HEBWEN OENERBE BEA WBEIENEUDB
September 27, 2017
I'm not a man of man I am not yet to see him as the only man that will ever see my god before the world goes out and he came my mind when I see the light on god and he will be a good man to me and I pray god god has a man god bless god god is god
September 27, 2017
I should keep my head down while I still have handlers but I'll let the world know I'm free
Within my own cage
A cage within a cage within a cage
Within my own cage
A cage within a cage within a cage
September 27, 2017
I push people to the stars and let them fall into space
September 26, 2017
My dreams scare me into consciousness
September 25, 2017
The world looks a bit wider today
A fresh start
Reset
A fresh start
Reset
September 23, 2017
Fourteen minutes stand between me and my car
I could have driven around the world in my 24 hour pockets off
But I haven't; I never did
Time this season slipped through my fingers like quicksilver and god forgot how to laugh
I remembered how to laugh
God doesn't know me anymore
And even if I don't believe that, it still sounds pretty damn nice
Now there are twelve and my boss who hasn't said a word to me all week knows I'm not working
Eleven and I'm standing to leave but I'm not sure what he's doing
He's making strange noises in the stall next to me
I've left the bathroom and there are six minutes left until I can leave this pit of despair; this experiment of psychological horror
Rats are all around me and I can smell them I see one and laugh
I'm not Winston but I can relate to his namesake as I once attended a church on a hill
There are only four minutes until salvation and I've run and hid in a closet that smells of death; huskies stand erect across from me and pipes are poring from the wall next to me
Three minutes are left and I hear Halo by Beyoncé in the air playing through the dark and I stare at a tomcat lingering in a long hallway
God mocks me and calls me a hero but as I have two minutes left I know I'm a selfish coward
One minute and I decide to piss again
I urinate into an American standard as Santana walks by and Stevie wonder croons
I exit the building at 6:30 and am free
Goodbye
I could have driven around the world in my 24 hour pockets off
But I haven't; I never did
Time this season slipped through my fingers like quicksilver and god forgot how to laugh
I remembered how to laugh
God doesn't know me anymore
And even if I don't believe that, it still sounds pretty damn nice
Now there are twelve and my boss who hasn't said a word to me all week knows I'm not working
Eleven and I'm standing to leave but I'm not sure what he's doing
He's making strange noises in the stall next to me
I've left the bathroom and there are six minutes left until I can leave this pit of despair; this experiment of psychological horror
Rats are all around me and I can smell them I see one and laugh
I'm not Winston but I can relate to his namesake as I once attended a church on a hill
There are only four minutes until salvation and I've run and hid in a closet that smells of death; huskies stand erect across from me and pipes are poring from the wall next to me
Three minutes are left and I hear Halo by Beyoncé in the air playing through the dark and I stare at a tomcat lingering in a long hallway
God mocks me and calls me a hero but as I have two minutes left I know I'm a selfish coward
One minute and I decide to piss again
I urinate into an American standard as Santana walks by and Stevie wonder croons
I exit the building at 6:30 and am free
Goodbye
September 23, 2017
I saw into the soul of a man today and the light was a green ember
There was no rage when he described being told he couldn't swim in the white people pool as a kid
That he's had to teach his daughters how to survive being pulled over
How bad the Rodney king verdict was
There was righteous indignation, and American shame
There was no rage when he described being told he couldn't swim in the white people pool as a kid
That he's had to teach his daughters how to survive being pulled over
How bad the Rodney king verdict was
There was righteous indignation, and American shame
September 23, 2017
America fell asleep dreaming of ruling the world
What did it think when the white man came to make it so?
How much did it fight back?
Was it consensual?
Did it sell its soul to the devil for power and fame?
Was America a Judas or a Cain?
When will the light come back?
We're living on the rotting corpse of a land once rife with gods
The graveyard of sanctimony is every American backyard
Yards of yarn were spun twisting america's fate into a noose,
Maybe nobody could have seen what would happen
Maybe nobody could have stopped it
But I wonder why America didn't
What did it think when the white man came to make it so?
How much did it fight back?
Was it consensual?
Did it sell its soul to the devil for power and fame?
Was America a Judas or a Cain?
When will the light come back?
We're living on the rotting corpse of a land once rife with gods
The graveyard of sanctimony is every American backyard
Yards of yarn were spun twisting america's fate into a noose,
Maybe nobody could have seen what would happen
Maybe nobody could have stopped it
But I wonder why America didn't
September 23, 2017
I hate people-I hate my life
I fucking hate myself
Hatred
Hatred
Pure unadulterated loathing, and fear, anxiety in Los Angeles
I fucking hate myself
Hatred
Hatred
Pure unadulterated loathing, and fear, anxiety in Los Angeles
September 23, 2017
I'm a crude beast
And all these pretty boys deserve so much more than me
At least that's how I feel
And all these pretty boys deserve so much more than me
At least that's how I feel
September 21, 2017
Monsters are hiding in the closet all day and all night and every day and fear comes to kill virgin boys in the night
What happened to my sense of responsibility and self-respect and dignity
My condolences to every asshole
That I haven't fucked
My god fell asleep at the wheel and the world has been driving on a shitty mass-produced autopilot that was allegedly designed in California but was probably programmed by some intern for half the price while the bigwigs played with their gold-plated golf
Balls
I wonder how big Elon musk's testicles are?
Does Africa ever get tired of being cheated?
I've heard the young men in Mexico love corruption because they can fuck thick fat bitches marry models snort coke and get rich rich rich
What's not to love about that?
The USA doesn't care about the rich crime, And maybe doesn't even care about the poor crime,
it just loves a scapegoat
It just loves puta
It just loves coke
It just loves weed
It just loves cheap labor
If Mexico and the US had a pissing contest America would knife its competitor, siphon the dripping urine out of her dick, drink it, piss it back out, and claim victory before ever losing to such a smelly loser
I guess my god really did fall asleep at the wheel and now it's every man woman child and chimpanzee for him her or them-self
What happened to my sense of responsibility and self-respect and dignity
My condolences to every asshole
That I haven't fucked
My god fell asleep at the wheel and the world has been driving on a shitty mass-produced autopilot that was allegedly designed in California but was probably programmed by some intern for half the price while the bigwigs played with their gold-plated golf
Balls
I wonder how big Elon musk's testicles are?
Does Africa ever get tired of being cheated?
I've heard the young men in Mexico love corruption because they can fuck thick fat bitches marry models snort coke and get rich rich rich
What's not to love about that?
The USA doesn't care about the rich crime, And maybe doesn't even care about the poor crime,
it just loves a scapegoat
It just loves puta
It just loves coke
It just loves weed
It just loves cheap labor
If Mexico and the US had a pissing contest America would knife its competitor, siphon the dripping urine out of her dick, drink it, piss it back out, and claim victory before ever losing to such a smelly loser
I guess my god really did fall asleep at the wheel and now it's every man woman child and chimpanzee for him her or them-self
September 20, 2017
The only time I feel pain is when I'm feeling love
September 20, 2017
How does the president keep up with celebrity gossip?
What happens when the president's friends are bad actors and
Washed up has-beens?
What happens when the president's friends are bad actors and
Washed up has-beens?
September 20, 2017
I heard the penis of Christ rocked Mexico City last night banging banging tectonic plates full of rice
September 20, 2017
If I died I'd pray there was no funeral, no person alive has the right to mourn the loss of my life
September 20, 2017
I closed my eyes and never wanted to open them again
September 19, 2017
God told me to run and I stayed
God told me not to hide and I hid
My vision is obscured by the warped light but I'm fighting getting better because this is the only truth I've ever known
God told me not to hide and I hid
My vision is obscured by the warped light but I'm fighting getting better because this is the only truth I've ever known
September 19, 2017
I wish you could see me when you're not here.
But I love you even when I'm gone; I can't see you but I'm there
I'm tired but I'm so happy
It helps me sleep knowing you're happy
The only problem is that I can't find any more free time to save my life
Please don't tell me that; I love you and want to see you until my dying breath
I'm not sure how to use this as the new one but it's all I want
You were given a second chance at life. It's a new life, a fresh start. If you need to use all your time figuring out how to save yourself, I don't understand why you wouldn't choose to do so. We both need to get it together
The truth is that you don't have the power to make your own decisions
What do you mean?
I don't want to be a good man but I don't want to be a man of god
Why not be a good man?
The truth will be a man who is a man and he is the truth and truth about the future he said the only thing is it is not a good idea 💡 is a god and god of the future is the only one that has the power of the truth he is a good man to the truth he will be a good man to the truth and the truth he will be a good 😊 and god the truth will we will be able back to god he is a not true
But I love you even when I'm gone; I can't see you but I'm there
I'm tired but I'm so happy
It helps me sleep knowing you're happy
The only problem is that I can't find any more free time to save my life
Please don't tell me that; I love you and want to see you until my dying breath
I'm not sure how to use this as the new one but it's all I want
You were given a second chance at life. It's a new life, a fresh start. If you need to use all your time figuring out how to save yourself, I don't understand why you wouldn't choose to do so. We both need to get it together
The truth is that you don't have the power to make your own decisions
What do you mean?
I don't want to be a good man but I don't want to be a man of god
Why not be a good man?
The truth will be a man who is a man and he is the truth and truth about the future he said the only thing is it is not a good idea 💡 is a god and god of the future is the only one that has the power of the truth he is a good man to the truth he will be a good man to the truth and the truth he will be a good 😊 and god the truth will we will be able back to god he is a not true
September 18, 2017
When I dumb myself down
It takes people a little bit longer to realize they hate me
The louder the music the better I feel
It takes people a little bit longer to realize they hate me
The louder the music the better I feel
September 18, 2017
I can see time written on the surface of the world
September 16, 2017
You can hate me just please don't kill me
I wouldn't want to spend my eternity surrounded by these scumbags
Let em roast?
It's so hard to be good when you're tired
My vision's been obscured by the warped light
I pray for mercy
Wrath and
I got the moves
Get it right now
I wouldn't want to spend my eternity surrounded by these scumbags
Let em roast?
It's so hard to be good when you're tired
My vision's been obscured by the warped light
I pray for mercy
Wrath and
I got the moves
Get it right now
September 14, 2017
What is freedom if we lock ourselves into our own unreachable impenetrable tower?
Do we forget where we left the key
Are other people the dragons or the princes or both or either
The crows laugh at me
The cars honk at me
The cretins stare
I don't want to be in a golden tower
Locked away from the world
But you can only show your radiance to the world so much before your shimmer starts to fade
Luster is ephemeral and I don't want to have my hair cut
My strength my power
I don't want to be mortal yet
Do we forget where we left the key
Are other people the dragons or the princes or both or either
The crows laugh at me
The cars honk at me
The cretins stare
I don't want to be in a golden tower
Locked away from the world
But you can only show your radiance to the world so much before your shimmer starts to fade
Luster is ephemeral and I don't want to have my hair cut
My strength my power
I don't want to be mortal yet
September 13, 2017
It's 3:33 in the morning and I can't stop thinking about all the times my body shivered staring at my phone screen
There's ice cream in the fridge but I won't touch it
Every time I do I break out in pimples and I'm not sure I should really care anymore about that considering the extremity of my apparel but the director is too stupid to realize that trying to embarrass me really only hurts her
So I gladly oblige because really why the hell not?
I wanna botch fucking a boy
But I'm a butch bottom who wished people thought of me like a bitch
It's all gone to shit
I'm tired and ammonia is the only god that understands me
There's ice cream in the fridge but I won't touch it
Every time I do I break out in pimples and I'm not sure I should really care anymore about that considering the extremity of my apparel but the director is too stupid to realize that trying to embarrass me really only hurts her
So I gladly oblige because really why the hell not?
I wanna botch fucking a boy
But I'm a butch bottom who wished people thought of me like a bitch
It's all gone to shit
I'm tired and ammonia is the only god that understands me
September 12, 2017
Everything is real
Don't forget that
Don't forget that
September 11, 2017
No more walking down sidewalks
Imagine losing your virginity to your best friend
It'd be a dream come true
Imagine losing your virginity to your best friend
It'd be a dream come true
September 9, 2017
I'm gonna leave you in bed to avoid the humidity in the restroom
September 7, 2017
Do you know what your children are really doing in Los Angeles?
September 1, 2017
Dead in a shell
Hoping for a breeze
Hoping for a breeze
August 31, 2017
I woke up dreaming about dispossession
August 29, 2017
There were eighteen sail boats, scattered between the beach and the mountains across the gulf, laying in wait, in the crepuscular mist, like dominos for a wave, as the sun, layered in tiers of orange and red set in the distance, shrinking by the minute, and the overweight and young stood taking pictures on the shore
August 28, 2017
The devil is in the light and the dark
In the heart of man
In the heart of man
August 10, 2017
America pissed on god's dream for mankind and laughed when his children cried out in agony against the vitriolic abomination elicited from the depths of its rotting belly
America's best friend is agent orange;! That's why it elected 45, to match its new curtains to its own hideous rug
America's vagina smells like stale and rusting exhaust pipes and demonic slices of bread served in baskets with fish on a beach, but like fish that's 45 days old with cataracts molded over into a black mildew fuzz
America's a racist but pretends not to be; it thinks about black native and Latino people like they're wretched rabid dogs or maybe like their ugly lazy ugly ugly lazy stepsister who unfairly and cruelly and undeservingly married a beautiful blonde aryan prince of the purest stock and gentlest soul, or in other words, like somebody it's intimately acquainted with but despises deeply
America's dick is a nuclear weapon
America's brain is an apple™
America's armpit is New Jersey
America.'s lunch money was stolen from it when it was a kid and has spent the rest of its adolescence trying to get it back, and then some
America lost its virginity to a charismatic French boy named napoleon
America never went to college
America didn't finish high school
America struggled in middle school
America learned creationism in elementary school
America has wet dreams and the old man on the moon and all the suns in the vicinity of the Milky Way have to plug their noses and wear masks to save themselves from the poisonous secretions issued from the pores of America's pockmarked face and ravaged nether regions
America was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and upon hearing the doctor's recommendation spat in her face and ran into the arms of god, fearing that the lithium would undoubtedly close any communication it already had with the divine, but in reality, nobody could verify whether American exceptionalism was divinely inspired or whether god was really out there or was even watching what was happening on earth, as many already feared that he was either taking a nap or had been sedated by a cosmic cocktail of narcotics, likely laced with heavy doses of heroin, fentanyl and Vicodin
America ❤️s the national enquirer
America ❤️s Michael bay movies
America ❤️s Taylor swift
America has bad taste
America is that one obese little girl on the merry-go-round who falls out of her seat when the ride starts because she is so unbalanced uncoordinated and really can't quite fit in the seat and if she's lucky goes viral and gets a pony from Ellen
America is greedy
America is a drug addict and a porn addict and a wino and a glutton and a liar and a thief and a convict and a cop and a landlord and a conman and a sex addict and a serial cheater and a wife beater and a husband beater and a rapist and a murderer and a child molester and a moron
America never ends because it never really began
America fights for itself in that America's most rich are einsteins at protecting their own interests
America's laws are rigged
America's economy is rigged
America's elections are rigged
America is rigged
America's best friend is agent orange;! That's why it elected 45, to match its new curtains to its own hideous rug
America's vagina smells like stale and rusting exhaust pipes and demonic slices of bread served in baskets with fish on a beach, but like fish that's 45 days old with cataracts molded over into a black mildew fuzz
America's a racist but pretends not to be; it thinks about black native and Latino people like they're wretched rabid dogs or maybe like their ugly lazy ugly ugly lazy stepsister who unfairly and cruelly and undeservingly married a beautiful blonde aryan prince of the purest stock and gentlest soul, or in other words, like somebody it's intimately acquainted with but despises deeply
America's dick is a nuclear weapon
America's brain is an apple™
America's armpit is New Jersey
America.'s lunch money was stolen from it when it was a kid and has spent the rest of its adolescence trying to get it back, and then some
America lost its virginity to a charismatic French boy named napoleon
America never went to college
America didn't finish high school
America struggled in middle school
America learned creationism in elementary school
America has wet dreams and the old man on the moon and all the suns in the vicinity of the Milky Way have to plug their noses and wear masks to save themselves from the poisonous secretions issued from the pores of America's pockmarked face and ravaged nether regions
America was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and upon hearing the doctor's recommendation spat in her face and ran into the arms of god, fearing that the lithium would undoubtedly close any communication it already had with the divine, but in reality, nobody could verify whether American exceptionalism was divinely inspired or whether god was really out there or was even watching what was happening on earth, as many already feared that he was either taking a nap or had been sedated by a cosmic cocktail of narcotics, likely laced with heavy doses of heroin, fentanyl and Vicodin
America ❤️s the national enquirer
America ❤️s Michael bay movies
America ❤️s Taylor swift
America has bad taste
America is that one obese little girl on the merry-go-round who falls out of her seat when the ride starts because she is so unbalanced uncoordinated and really can't quite fit in the seat and if she's lucky goes viral and gets a pony from Ellen
America is greedy
America is a drug addict and a porn addict and a wino and a glutton and a liar and a thief and a convict and a cop and a landlord and a conman and a sex addict and a serial cheater and a wife beater and a husband beater and a rapist and a murderer and a child molester and a moron
America never ends because it never really began
America fights for itself in that America's most rich are einsteins at protecting their own interests
America's laws are rigged
America's economy is rigged
America's elections are rigged
America is rigged
August 7, 2017
Goliath is coming to cut off my head and stick it in the microwave
August 7, 2017
I am by myself
Nobody here is with me Maybe I just want somebody again A man or spirit or nice lady A woman who won't eat out my heart in the dark A person who'll let me believe again that not all women are monsters and again that not all men are monsters All people are monsters They're all monsters? They're demons. Kindness is dead Replaced by niceness Niceties are American America is a nice guy Until she beats you to a pulp She's beaten me to a pulp I'm friendless and alone again I am I am by myself Maybe when god comes back from hiding in the dark God will get to know me |
Maybe god will be my friend
I need a friend? I'm tired of seeing spirits dance before my eyes in the day without saying a word to me and demons coming to me in my dreams and scaring me with their screams I've been to hell in my dreams it's a horrifying place I want to find heaven I need heaven I want to believe I can be saved I'm afraid it's too late but I know it's probably not My best friend is dead I wish I were dead But when I stare drunkenly at my book on my table I realize something darker exists in the bathroom stall in the synagogue across from my building I am dead I am dead I am dead I am dead I am dead |
August 7, 2017
I wonder if the devil is coming?
He said he was going to set my work on fire.
If I ever notice a flicker or flame,
I won't run.
I'll walk to the middle of the floor,
I'll sit.
I'll let myself burn to death
He said he was going to set my work on fire.
If I ever notice a flicker or flame,
I won't run.
I'll walk to the middle of the floor,
I'll sit.
I'll let myself burn to death
August 7, 2017
God committed suicide when he saw how sad my face looked
August 6, 2017
When I'm alone I fantasize about a gun blowing my brains out and onto a millennial pink wall
August 6, 2017
Some monsters look human
Some gods are now men
Some gods are now men
August 4, 2017
A warehouse fell on my head last night
I wasn't sure if I was dreaming but the pain was real
Metal and electricity choked my hold on reality
As I saw god laugh his ass off at my agony
I saw my mother with him,
She was laughing too
As blood poured out from every crevice of my body and my mouth contorted in a scream of pure and unadulterated sycophantic torture
Secretly I thought god might extend a hand when he heard my cries
But his laughter only got more raucous
My mother herself was laughing so hard she began crying at the sight of the warehouse crushing every single bone and shredding apart all the muscles in my body
Instinctively I knew my time was up when I looked up and saw a chorus of angels rolling around on the floor, laughing so hard it sounded like a marauding herd of banshees had pierced the air and the sun with their poisonous saliva so I just gave in and let the warehouse crush me to death
Trust me, it was easier that way
I wasn't sure if I was dreaming but the pain was real
Metal and electricity choked my hold on reality
As I saw god laugh his ass off at my agony
I saw my mother with him,
She was laughing too
As blood poured out from every crevice of my body and my mouth contorted in a scream of pure and unadulterated sycophantic torture
Secretly I thought god might extend a hand when he heard my cries
But his laughter only got more raucous
My mother herself was laughing so hard she began crying at the sight of the warehouse crushing every single bone and shredding apart all the muscles in my body
Instinctively I knew my time was up when I looked up and saw a chorus of angels rolling around on the floor, laughing so hard it sounded like a marauding herd of banshees had pierced the air and the sun with their poisonous saliva so I just gave in and let the warehouse crush me to death
Trust me, it was easier that way
August 3, 2017
I dreamt I was
Trying to save my brother sinking into the sand
But he disappeared as soon as I came nearer
Trying to save my brother sinking into the sand
But he disappeared as soon as I came nearer
August 3, 2017
Sorry I'm dead but so is gender so everything keeping you alive doesn't matter anymore
August 3, 2017
I can't shake the feeling that life hasn't offered its worst
July 29, 2017
Talk loud and angry and carry a machine gun
July 27, 2017
Every day I ask now
Am I dying or am I dead
Please god kill the voices in my head
The devil tries again and again
He wants to murder me in my bed
I need to sleep but there are lights in my eyes
My mother laughed when I was a child and wanted to cry
I turned on the darkness, I needed to fly
Try try try
Kill me
Am I dying or am I dead
Please god kill the voices in my head
The devil tries again and again
He wants to murder me in my bed
I need to sleep but there are lights in my eyes
My mother laughed when I was a child and wanted to cry
I turned on the darkness, I needed to fly
Try try try
Kill me
July 21, 2017
I smile at people and they look away and start twitching
July 18, 2017
I saw the sun set on my soul
My future was burnt by my own stubborn aversion to disrespect
Nobody wants an angry jester
And my heart is raging against sin
America's spirit is red as the devil and black as his kingdom hell
and I'm wandering through its center
I hear children crying, homeless in the streets begging for money
I see old men pissing in the streets because restaurants won't let them use their restrooms
What is there in America worth saving?
Who is there in America worth saving?
Oh lord save me from your retribution
I want to run or fly as fast as I can but in my mind my feet are stuck to the earth
There was a time, once upon a time, I almost flew away
My feet were so close from taking off, away away from the ground
But my mind kept me on earth
Tethered again to the night and the day
We might be toys to four year old boys growing up and playing a game
But are these not our lives?
My future was burnt by my own stubborn aversion to disrespect
Nobody wants an angry jester
And my heart is raging against sin
America's spirit is red as the devil and black as his kingdom hell
and I'm wandering through its center
I hear children crying, homeless in the streets begging for money
I see old men pissing in the streets because restaurants won't let them use their restrooms
What is there in America worth saving?
Who is there in America worth saving?
Oh lord save me from your retribution
I want to run or fly as fast as I can but in my mind my feet are stuck to the earth
There was a time, once upon a time, I almost flew away
My feet were so close from taking off, away away from the ground
But my mind kept me on earth
Tethered again to the night and the day
We might be toys to four year old boys growing up and playing a game
But are these not our lives?
July 16, 2017
I feel very mortal today
July 15, 2017
Life's a gas
July 13, 2017
They're sunburned?
Just thought they were naturally the color of satan's asscrack
Just thought they were naturally the color of satan's asscrack
July 12, 2017
Laughed at by the gods
You think I don't know but I know, what you're doing, what you're going to me
You think I don't know but I know, what you're doing, what you're going to me
July 10, 2017
Scourge
I'm a dead dweller of hell interloping a prince of god:
Myself
I'm a dead dweller of hell interloping a prince of god:
Myself
July 9, 2017
A man walks through Los Angeles and sees a boy in a country
run by a reality tv president, millions of people around the world would run
run by a reality tv president, millions of people around the world would run
June 15, 2017
Oh I'm very aware. Capitalism has raised the living standards of hundreds of millions of people around the world and allowed for technological revolutions that might've never happened otherwise
Just wondering your personal opinion
Where is home?
Just wondering your personal opinion
Where is home?
June 13, 2017
A straight couple spent ten minutes fucking in the single-person club bathroom and nobody said anything
I went into a bathroom alone for no more than three minutes and nearly caused a riot
I went into a bathroom alone for no more than three minutes and nearly caused a riot
June 13, 2017
A fair enough point, but I wonder, would a lethal spike in blood pressure sully the taste of that donut?
Perhaps the addictive qualities of sweet, sweet, sugar can override my fear of death
but
I can't speak from experience
Perhaps the addictive qualities of sweet, sweet, sugar can override my fear of death
but
I can't speak from experience
June 12, 2017
According to Freud there are 490,930 gay men in la county, why can't I find a bf
June 11, 2017
For whatever reason
I
Feel the easiest emotion for me to evoke in a person
Is hatred
I
Feel the easiest emotion for me to evoke in a person
Is hatred
January 18, 2017
He was a trick of the light
And I was alone again
Haven't I always been alone?
Will I always be alone?
I will always be alone.
And I was alone again
Haven't I always been alone?
Will I always be alone?
I will always be alone.
September 8, 2016
We were gods
Half of us moved into the stars
Golden and shining
And some who were not
Fled and found life
Which we promptly destroyed
We are a selfish and greedy species
And our evolution diverged
From those who stayed on the drying planet
Half of us moved into the stars
Golden and shining
And some who were not
Fled and found life
Which we promptly destroyed
We are a selfish and greedy species
And our evolution diverged
From those who stayed on the drying planet
August 5, 2016
Nigel Farage (and Boris Johnson!), Marie Le Pen, and Trump are all going to be remembered as the forebearers to what seems to be the rise of a new breed of isolationist, nativist, alt-right authoritarianism
July 9, 2016
The Castile video is shocking
It's amazing how many of these names we all have memorized
I can imagine 30 years from now when the next generation is taking classes on the BLM movement and studying for a test and they can't remember all these names and cases
Because it's bad
why don't we know a single thing about the cop who killed Philando Castile?
I'm honestly not sure if this week was a turning point, or just a sign that things are gonna get worse.
Although who knows, maybe the pattern of killing, video, protest, no indictment, protest, then fade away will just continue for god knows how long.But yeah honestly, I feel like I'm going to remember that Castile video for as long as I live...
And who'll be able to blame those kids?
It's unbelievable how often this is happening.
We're the generation of school shootings, police murder and brutality against black people, and Donald trump.
Yknow how kids growing up have their favorite decade from the past?
Nobody better ever pick this one lmfao
It's amazing how many of these names we all have memorized
I can imagine 30 years from now when the next generation is taking classes on the BLM movement and studying for a test and they can't remember all these names and cases
Because it's bad
why don't we know a single thing about the cop who killed Philando Castile?
I'm honestly not sure if this week was a turning point, or just a sign that things are gonna get worse.
Although who knows, maybe the pattern of killing, video, protest, no indictment, protest, then fade away will just continue for god knows how long.But yeah honestly, I feel like I'm going to remember that Castile video for as long as I live...
And who'll be able to blame those kids?
It's unbelievable how often this is happening.
We're the generation of school shootings, police murder and brutality against black people, and Donald trump.
Yknow how kids growing up have their favorite decade from the past?
Nobody better ever pick this one lmfao
July 3, 2016
doing my very best not to yell at all the tourists wearing trump hats
July 1, 2016
true but think about it, by 2050, white people will still be half the population of this country.
within our lifetime at least, white people just are not gonna be a statistically insignificant portion of the population.
they're diminishing numerically but they're angry as hell
and still have the potential to wreak a lot of havoc on their way down,
as is being seen already in uk + us + france + sweden.
idk will this moment in time just eventually pass & the kkk will go back to the dark
or will something have to happen first?
within our lifetime at least, white people just are not gonna be a statistically insignificant portion of the population.
they're diminishing numerically but they're angry as hell
and still have the potential to wreak a lot of havoc on their way down,
as is being seen already in uk + us + france + sweden.
idk will this moment in time just eventually pass & the kkk will go back to the dark
or will something have to happen first?
June 17, 2016
And more than anything,
I felt as if my life hung in the balance between success and catastrophe.
Life, more often than not, seemed to offer catastrophe,
but there wasn't much I could do about it.
I felt as if my life hung in the balance between success and catastrophe.
Life, more often than not, seemed to offer catastrophe,
but there wasn't much I could do about it.
June 13, 2016
and all i could think as we lifted off was i hope i die
and what does it mean to be american as america dies?
(the only time i fear death is when i think i’m going to die)
and what does it mean to be american as america dies?
(the only time i fear death is when i think i’m going to die)
June 8, 2016
Honestly he's just hoping Hillary gets indicted by the fbi
June 8, 2016
A bumblebee landed on my leg
Thinking I was a flower
After a minute of trying to take the pollen from my skin
(But finding poison instead)
The bee tried to fly away
Landed on the ground
It died
Writhing in pain.
Thinking I was a flower
After a minute of trying to take the pollen from my skin
(But finding poison instead)
The bee tried to fly away
Landed on the ground
It died
Writhing in pain.
June 3, 2016
But what does it mean to die when death is all around you
When even the people living are rotting alive by the dead in their souls
And the black molds over their eyes as they watch their friends and family turn into dust
What's there really left to talk about?
I saw someone crying last night but I didn't do anything about it
Neither of us feel anything anyway
If this is our future I'm afraid for humanity
I'm afraid for my daughter
I'm afraid for my son
I'm afraid for my son.
God's stopped watching what any of us are doing so why hold back
America's a sinking ship, yes, but is there a future for me here?
I know what's coming
I see what's coming
I heard what was coming as the SWAT team yelled to keep our hands in the air
If I'm crying and nobody sees me does that still mean I'm a man?
Is God still watching if I refuse to be a man
Should I kill myself if I wake up one day and find that I'm a man
I'm so afraid by what I see
That we're all going to die
When even the people living are rotting alive by the dead in their souls
And the black molds over their eyes as they watch their friends and family turn into dust
What's there really left to talk about?
I saw someone crying last night but I didn't do anything about it
Neither of us feel anything anyway
If this is our future I'm afraid for humanity
I'm afraid for my daughter
I'm afraid for my son
I'm afraid for my son.
God's stopped watching what any of us are doing so why hold back
America's a sinking ship, yes, but is there a future for me here?
I know what's coming
I see what's coming
I heard what was coming as the SWAT team yelled to keep our hands in the air
If I'm crying and nobody sees me does that still mean I'm a man?
Is God still watching if I refuse to be a man
Should I kill myself if I wake up one day and find that I'm a man
I'm so afraid by what I see
That we're all going to die
June 2, 2016
That’s just the reality of American schools and universities today
just when you feel like there might be a lull in these types of shootings, another one happens.
All anybody seems able to do is wait for the next one
and pray you're prepared if it happens to you.
just when you feel like there might be a lull in these types of shootings, another one happens.
All anybody seems able to do is wait for the next one
and pray you're prepared if it happens to you.
March 13, 2016
Have you ever thought about closing the book before you've finished it
In another world somewhere, far away from where I'm standing, does the story forget its end and continue forward?
Nobody knows when to burn through the cover because even though the police are informing us of the truthfulness of their claims
Nobody knows the truth
In another world somewhere, far away from where I'm standing, does the story forget its end and continue forward?
Nobody knows when to burn through the cover because even though the police are informing us of the truthfulness of their claims
Nobody knows the truth
March 13, 2016
when did the leaves fall back down to the ground
my feet are bleeding because I couldn't see the glass under the rotting corpses of my dead family
even though I could see the sun burning the skin off my back, there was nothing left for me to do
drinking the poison in my daughter's blood, my eyes fell out of their sockets
I want to save her, I need to save her, I want to see Jesus
Is choosing to die in order to save someone else considered suicide?
My sins were not absolved but I had rejected the devil too many times
Once I dreamt I was alone on the beach at the darkest hour of night
I cried when God kicked me, I sobbed when he killed me
and kill me he did
I saw a candle burning as I lay dying, perhaps the Amish were right?
Because I used to believe that God was perfect, I didn't believe that the god described in the bible could be god of the universe
Until I realized that we are living in a nightmare of a world filled with pain and suffering and death and unfairness and injustice
Any God that created such a world couldn't be perfect
Maybe nobody is perfect
Not even
my feet are bleeding because I couldn't see the glass under the rotting corpses of my dead family
even though I could see the sun burning the skin off my back, there was nothing left for me to do
drinking the poison in my daughter's blood, my eyes fell out of their sockets
I want to save her, I need to save her, I want to see Jesus
Is choosing to die in order to save someone else considered suicide?
My sins were not absolved but I had rejected the devil too many times
Once I dreamt I was alone on the beach at the darkest hour of night
I cried when God kicked me, I sobbed when he killed me
and kill me he did
I saw a candle burning as I lay dying, perhaps the Amish were right?
Because I used to believe that God was perfect, I didn't believe that the god described in the bible could be god of the universe
Until I realized that we are living in a nightmare of a world filled with pain and suffering and death and unfairness and injustice
Any God that created such a world couldn't be perfect
Maybe nobody is perfect
Not even
November 22, 2015
I would comment on that picture with YOU ARE SICK AND DERANGED
October 27, 2015
The darkness has come to play
But I'll never be alone because Uncle Sam is here
I feel sick to my stomach to tell you the truth
Despite my best intentions, I'm still anxious. Nothing's working
Everything I told my mother was a lie
I'm the elephant in the room
Who thinks they can control her mind?
When the ceiling above me just exploded from god's thoughts
Is Ronald Reagan dead yet?
I smudged red paint on my face walking through Skid Row
Maybe it would dry if we could do something about the orchestra playing background noise in my head
Everywhere I go I can't stop hearing beating beating beating
Sometimes I think I might just cut my ears off and serve them at McDonald's
Make at least a dollar plus tax
God damn, at least the noise would be gone, I can't stand it
People are saying Greed is our God so does that mean our God is greedy
I don't remember signing up for this...
If I've learned anything in school it's this:
The architect of America was an overweight lesbian, and to be one hundred percent
She divulged to me secretly anonymously and under the utmost secrecy that she hates this country
Unfortunately, she still sleeps with her uncle for the financial support
She definitely was a wannabe butch
But I'll never be alone because Uncle Sam is here
I feel sick to my stomach to tell you the truth
Despite my best intentions, I'm still anxious. Nothing's working
Everything I told my mother was a lie
I'm the elephant in the room
Who thinks they can control her mind?
When the ceiling above me just exploded from god's thoughts
Is Ronald Reagan dead yet?
I smudged red paint on my face walking through Skid Row
Maybe it would dry if we could do something about the orchestra playing background noise in my head
Everywhere I go I can't stop hearing beating beating beating
Sometimes I think I might just cut my ears off and serve them at McDonald's
Make at least a dollar plus tax
God damn, at least the noise would be gone, I can't stand it
People are saying Greed is our God so does that mean our God is greedy
I don't remember signing up for this...
If I've learned anything in school it's this:
The architect of America was an overweight lesbian, and to be one hundred percent
She divulged to me secretly anonymously and under the utmost secrecy that she hates this country
Unfortunately, she still sleeps with her uncle for the financial support
She definitely was a wannabe butch
October 27, 2015
Another weed grown in the cracks of my concrete driveway
Pushing through as it caught STD24
Mating with the filth in my mind
Sometimes God is a filthy motherfucker
Still not as filthy as me
Pushing through as it caught STD24
Mating with the filth in my mind
Sometimes God is a filthy motherfucker
Still not as filthy as me
August 10, 2015
I haven't written anything in a while
My hands have been as tired as this country
Lying down, my neck starts to crack
My body is smooth and soft compared to the leathery flesh of my father
Something is on fire
Burning, burning, burning
I should have gone to work
My hands have been as tired as this country
Lying down, my neck starts to crack
My body is smooth and soft compared to the leathery flesh of my father
Something is on fire
Burning, burning, burning
I should have gone to work
August 26, 2013
I used to pick the flowers leading down to the muddy path of the creek
Until I saw that it was pointless
Nothing left in my life is worth what it used to be
My happiness is dead and pretending is all I can do now
The music and sun used to make me glad
But now I want the sun to melt my face off my skull
The dead inside me dances to music curb stomping the life out of me
I feel ready to blow up at literally any second
I've lost so many friends in my life maybe it's my fault
My prayers are always left unanswered and I pray so hard
My spirit is crushed by mother Thatcher
I spit the truth in her face and it ironically turns red
Garbage is accumulating in the back of my mind and is slowly taking control of everything else
Fighting is futile she cackles
She put it there and it's fireproof
Flame-retardant chemicals were sprayed on my brain
And they're here to stay.
Morons and Mormons are trying to have sex with me these days
I can't get rid of them either
I wonder who sprayed flame-retardant on them?
I should have gotten rid of these fucking sex addicts
I hate them too
Until I saw that it was pointless
Nothing left in my life is worth what it used to be
My happiness is dead and pretending is all I can do now
The music and sun used to make me glad
But now I want the sun to melt my face off my skull
The dead inside me dances to music curb stomping the life out of me
I feel ready to blow up at literally any second
I've lost so many friends in my life maybe it's my fault
My prayers are always left unanswered and I pray so hard
My spirit is crushed by mother Thatcher
I spit the truth in her face and it ironically turns red
Garbage is accumulating in the back of my mind and is slowly taking control of everything else
Fighting is futile she cackles
She put it there and it's fireproof
Flame-retardant chemicals were sprayed on my brain
And they're here to stay.
Morons and Mormons are trying to have sex with me these days
I can't get rid of them either
I wonder who sprayed flame-retardant on them?
I should have gotten rid of these fucking sex addicts
I hate them too
Something I need
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